Somatic Consent – Student Handbook

 

When we transform this dynamics as a multidimensional map in a pyramid structure, beginning at the base where we integrate shadow dynamics and survival strategie, into self-care and several levels of empowerment we embody through practicing the engagement zones the apex where love and care is offered unconditionally as a gift to and from the world around us, where we merge into spiritual and interpersonal oneness beyond any concepts of duality.

the engagement system is a great combination of maps for
personal and spiritual development

the function of our nervous system and how we relate with the world around us is determent
by sensation of not feeling safe in oppression and survive

or feeling safe, where we can connect and communicate with others making
choices and engage in life in a cocreative way that is meaningful to us and others.

an other important map is the combination of somatic experiencing and finding agreements about
action and pleasure within our self and other around us. the combination of somatic & consent.

consent is divided in the sensory devission to feel bodily skin based sensation that are pleasant or unpleasant and the motor devision to go in action to move towards it or away from it.

this dynamics are the fundamental base of somatic consent to fully embody the developmental potential of the following dynamics. it crosses neurological bridges between different brain parts for high speed evolution in the most subtle and exquisite ways.

the body awareness and capacity of presence increases through practising feeling while in moving action especial when we touch other people to stay connected to the feels sensations within rather than getting lost in somebody’s respond or reaction.

this is the base and foundation of the the entire engagement system,

where we realise we have a right and responsibility to our feelings, our body, thoughts, believes
our desires, what we want and to our boundaries, our limits to make agreements and out capacity to notice what is going on and feels true in every given moment.

here is where we learn to communicate and create consent with the world around us.
and easy enough verbal consent is divided in just two ways.

one is permission. simply by request: Can I…? or given permission by: yes, you can…

and agreements, can you…? yes, i can…

to practice and embody this dynamics just play the 3 minute game a few hundred times with a few hundred people and you wonder where you are, its easy to learn to determine between making a request for your self

or making offering to let somebody else finding what they want.

that will open up the engagement zone in the engagement system

the embodiment of the engagement zones is simplifying in any interaction who is doing the action
and who is it for.

so when you are in action, its either for you, or it is for them.
or when they are in action, its either for you or for them.
you see its either one or the other. we can only really know
who it is for when we have clearly communicated agreements from solid base.

that is what makes all the difference in any encounter.

this can be a painful waking up process out of deep sleep conditioning how to be around others
feeling and seeing how our on survival strategies to belong functioning
coming in connection with real sections of fight and flight

or even feelings of complete shut down and numbness belong to us. to learn more to this i invite you to watch the video about the poly vagal theory link in the description below.

you will find this dynamics in the shadows of the engagement system, when we cant ask for permission of what we want and we engage instead to get our need met.

or when when we can say NO and don’t know how to declare our limits and boundaries.

word of wisdom saying that we can change a system by fighting it, we need to create a new one to make the old one obsolete.

that new one is practicing the engagement zones till we fully embody them

this embodiment is reaching the apex, the top of personal development and interpersonal peak.

where human engagement becomes easy and natural, friendship, love and care embodied values of personal and spiritual development with no attachment to outcome

with values of integrity
gartitude
surrender
generosity

where intimate relating becomes a spiritual practice on its own.

that guides into higher states of spiritual awakening beyond the suffering of personal drama identification into compassion and empathy for others on their journey of life.

that is where we can celebrate connection and physical encounter and empower others.

divine love, and pure presence, into the transpersonal state. or the bliss state, the void, unified consciousness as meditation of life.

 

he base map of the somatic consent engagement system
for Relationship, – boundaries limits
if you struggle in relationships and like to find a solid base for what you have a right to and responsible for please stay tuned

Your Base is what you have a right to and what you are responsible for.
This includes, for example, your body, your feelings and emotions, thoughts, beliefs, and desires.

The edge of our Base is defined by our Boundary.
If we don’t know what we have a right to and
responsibility for boundary can easily be crossed

Sometimes our boundaries need to be crossed in order to establish
where they are and to respond. This happens when people
reach out in an other base and try to tell them what to think,
believe, feel, do or touch them without having agreements

Our boundaries and what we have a right to and
responsibility for does not change.

There are many different people with their base and what is going on in there is simply their business.

When two or more bases engage, each chooses how
much they share and how much access they give into
their base to the other. This requires an agreement,
what is my understanding of relationship.

The agreement is defining what each person wants to
share and what each person’s limits are, which can change any time.
Both bases are contributing to the relationship.

This is where the the somatic consent engagement system fits in — creating agreements by making clear requests, offers or invitations about

What is going to happen? where and when ? Who is in action? who is it for? And for how long?

the circle demonstrates a head from above where this direction is demonstrating the front side. in this part of the brain is the working mind, where past and future is being precessed as concept, where meaning and story, understanding things and contexts is created. here where we are identified with our thoughts.

i thing you know what i mean.

here in the middle is the limbic system is where emotions and feelings getting processed, the roots of it is very animalistic to detect danger in the fight flight centre
the amygdala, nothing to fix here or to repair. it releases 4 times a second cortisol and adrenalin to scan the envoirment. good to have it, sometimes.

when something is getting triggered here our working mind can get reminded to a old story and a memory of unpleasant emotions where the working mind is trying to work that out and repair the situation and get rid of the so called bad emotions.

unfortunatly the working mind is not connected to the amygdala and the the story starts to speed up looping and it can get really stressful, anxiety or real sometimes panic

unfortunatly till the point we are getting overwhelmed and the reptilian brain is getting activated with its survival function to freeze shut down and getting numb.

thats where we can think our self into real trouble

here is where the doorway into ease is needed because the working mind has to understand that there is nothing to work out because it simply can’t

this is where the noting brain is providing help and the solution for libaration by noticing what we notice.
the noticing brain is connected to the working brain, to the limbic brain where we feel and the reptilian brain where we shut down. when we allow to notice what we notice we create allowance and awareness for what is.

with mindfull practice like meditation, hugging and body contact, being listened to and in particular feeling an object with out hands connection and pleasure is releasing ocitocyn into the body that is blocking the release of cortisol and adrenalin into the blod that allows the body to calm down and relaxes back into expansion and being now.

in this graphic you see how all our feelings are divided in 4 basic feelings Anger. sad, fear and joy

and mixed feelings between two of these.
excitement depression schadenfreude helplessness nostalgia and sentimentality and histeria.

expressions of 3 mixed feelings are aggression, jealousy, greed, guild schema blame envy

and 4 mixed feelings as burnout, collapse, psychological; breakdown

to better understand why we have them: feelings are for dealing with the here and now.

emotions are for healing the past.

that map shows the numbnesbar map and how much some of us rise the bar to numb up to suppress all feelings and shut down in the moment to avoid healthy expression of desires and limits.

most peoples nubnesbar is that high to avoid to feeling anything and as soon their feelings rise up to the bar they implode or explode and getting overwhelmed by about 70-85 % of their feelings of anger as rage, sadness as grief, joy as ecstasy fear as panic. up to 99% would be hell and fear of death, who knows what might happens at 100%

your job is to lower the numbness bar to feel more
more subtle feelings and expressingnthem when they show up.

to notice your low level feelings for emotional intelligence and informations to respond, we need to lower the bar between 0-10 %

all feelings are a neutral source of energy and information of 0 -100 % intensity

 

This is a picture of the triune autonomic nervous system.

This system is structured as a hierarchy. It is a down-regulation system from the top to the bottom based on cues of safety or danger.

The top system is the one that we recruit first, the social engagement system. The social engagement system is responsible for controlling breath, heartbeat, facial expression and voice.

There are two main functions in this top-down system. One function is under conditions of stress where we are not feeling safe. The other is under normal conditions where we feel safe.

Safety here is relative – what is safe for one can be lethal for another and vice versa based on individual experiences.

The nervous system is using a feature called neuroception to detect danger or threats and adapt itself to the environment.

If our neuroception signals a potential threat, the first reaction is to opereate within the social engagement system and communicate.

If communication doesn’t bring the body back to a sense of safety, the next level, the sympathetic nervous system is activated – the flight response. This is the signal to get out of the situation, leave, or run. If this isn’t an option, the fight response takes over – to defend, or fight back.

The sympathetic nervous system recruits all features of physical movement of the torso and limbs.

If this does not create safety, or if the situation escalates or becomes deadly, the nervous system detects a life threat and the parasympathetic nervous system is getting activated with features of immobilization. This is the shut down response, which is automatically taking over – this includes dissociation, fainting and shock.

In other stressful and dangerous situations between social engagement and sympathetic arousal, protective and defensive behaviors are expressed such as negotiation, appeasement, survival oppression, denial, lying, manipulation, control, and passive aggressiveness.

It is important to note that all of these states are well-functioning survival mechanisms that operate involuntarily to bring us back into a state of safety or to keep us from feeling pain in the face of death.

However, under normal conditions where we feel safe, our nervous system operates in a connecting way through features such as face-to-face engagement, eye contact and a soothing or melodic voice.

When we are safe and connected, we can engage in activities like work, sport, dancing, yoga, sex or art. It is here where pleasure and physical connection are possible. This safe place of sympathetic action is called mobilization.

When we have exhausted ourselves, the body can fall into a place of immobilization, where we experience rest and rejuvenation. Here is the place for deep relaxation and ecstatic states through meditation, sexual engagement and sleep. In this parasympathetic state our system can rest in the most exquisite way.

Depending on the situation and environment, the nervous system can change and shift from one state to another in self and co or dis regulation, demonstrated by the arrows. This is where different types of therapy and healing methods can help to restore the body-mind connection and create health, rejuvenation, and healthy relationship to self and others.

Last but not least, where my focus of attention goes is on the safe side of the nervous system between social engagement and mobilization. Here is a hybrid state where features of play, sensuality and sexuality are accessible.
This is the only part in the nervous system where these state is possible.

This is the place where the Somatic Consent engagement system fits in, which is a way to create clear verbal agreements that establish a sense of safety and connection. In particular, it is about physical action and clear dynamics between doing the action and who is it for.

when you touch something that feels nice the sensory route is sending pleasurable signals
into your brain and is lightening up your pleasure centre.
this is the direct route of pleasure, for feelings things, the inflow

when you choose at the same time to move you hand or body to feel more and deeper you engage at the same time the motor devision of the somatic nervoussystem that controls impulses to move and go in action.

when you overlapped this two dynamics moving towards feeling pleasure that can create real magic and somatic embodiment.

by practicing this two dynamics simultaneously it creates the neurological structure for personal and spiritual growth through pure somatic embodiment.

but what happens when you touch somebody and the direct route is blocked for some reasons, like feelings of shame guild fear, or no practice, don’t know it exists or don’t know how to, or you thinks its selfish, or just wrong, and attachment meaning / story.

when we never have learned this direct experience and the only way we know is the respond from the person we are touching and if the only thing we have is that all our action/ the motor is to get the respond we need, we are very limited in the capacity of our own pleasure and being in our own skin and body.

have you ever been touched that way ? where somebody wants to get this respond from you?
i know how it feels on both sides and how to pretend and perform to make the person in action happy because they cant feel them self or getting a respond i needed to have to feel good about my self.

i imagine you can relate to this and that this is the end of Magic and the mystery of the moment.

there is nothing wrong about this it is just very limiting

we call this the indirect route of pleasure, this dynamic has as well a function that most learned to use to survive or to belong, in a healthy way but this dynamic is the 2nd route and necessary for co regulation and co regulation it is an extra and bonus when we are connected to our self in the direct route

in the somatic consent engagement system this direct route is the no 1, our default, the foundation of intimate connection, selfceare, autonomy and agency when you look the base of the system.
and the magic of presence can come back any time you choose to connect with your sensory pleasure and your action and touching others with consent.

i hope you feel inspired and enjoyed watching this video.
on a little side note one minute of practice is worth 1 hour of the best video.
because nothing can substitute feeling your own skin.

 

it is like a mindful meditation, to bringing all your awareness
into feeling the skin on your hands.

because there are more nerve endings in the hands than anywhere else in the body
accept the mouth and genitals….

the hands are symbolic for giving and receiving and making “sense”
with the world around us. since we where a babe.

by activating the hands you are taping in the neurological developmental
structure of the social engagement system that is based on releasing oxytocin
for safty and inimate connection. it blocks the release of adrenalin and cortisol from the fear center into the body and calmes the nervoussytem down

the hands and the feelings are connected to the heart,
rather than making stories in the working mind.
you find a great book about that from david linden “touch -the science of hand heart and mind”
the title is in the description.

using your hands and choosing to move them toward pleasure
is the foundation of the somatic inflow and the entire engagement system,
without this the system remains just rational and shallow in the mind.

hands ,moving

the key to this practise is to sit down and lean back,
relax your shoulder and arms, put a cussion in your lab
and set a timer for 5 minutes,

feel free to use any object you like.

start to connect with something easy like the
temparature of the object is it cool or warm?, is it soft or solid?, how dense is it?

explore, be curious and stay connected, bring all your attention
to your hand and if you mind wanders that ok, that is the minds job.

than slow down the speed of your hands and fingers by half and slow it down by half again
to come into micro movements… till the sensation clicks in, the sensual inflow of pleasure.

it feels like something new and exiting and finding back you might have lost a long time ago,
feeling might acure of memories, you might feel sad or impatient or boredom, or a turnon.
stay connected to your hands and the sensation, it will go deeper.

allow your self to feel, give yourself the permission back that is yours as old as your right to breath,
feeling pleasure in your hands while you choose to move without giving anything or getting anything back.

waking up the hands is a daily practice of neurological readjusting the nervous-system into safety, trust and connection and as a foundation for practicing the engagement zones
it’s your action – and it’s for you challange

you will find a facebook group “64 day waking up the hand challange” there are all kind
experiences documented and amazing wake up stories back into feeling pleasure with the hands

what we are looking for is the sensory inflow
of pleasure, are the nerves in the hand corresponding
with the nerves in the pleasure centre in your brain or not.

this practice is related to the function of the brain…
you find a deeper video of the meaning making and noticing brain in the description

in short,…this function are the 3 component of pleasure they are active all the time.

and you will notice it feels different if you feel an other person with permission or if you feel your self without permission. this is the fundamental base of somatic consent.

You find a deeper video on this dynamic as
“The Direct Route of Pleasure Map meets the Somatic Nervous System”

to differentiate between direct and indirect pleasure and why it matters when we touch.

i am very exited to present the 3 minute game to you

I found this amazing structure 9 years ago and have supported other embodying it in 1000th of individual empowerment session and countless workshops around the world.

if you like to know how to play the 3 min game, please stay tuned.

The 3 minute game origin form Harry Faddis from teaching a BDSM workshop on power and surrender back in 2006.

Harrys background seams rooted in deep spiritual work based on the 12 step program for several decades.

Based on the Rumi poem “you must ask for what you really want, don’t go back to sleep” he created the game to give participants an equal share of time to receive what they wanted.

The original form of the 3 minute game`:
What do you want to do to me for 3 minutes?
What do you want me to do to you for 3 minutes?

Betty Martin attended this workshop and changed the original version into
How do you want to touch me for 3 minutes ?
How do you want me to touch you for 3 minutes ?

Where she developed the wheel of consent from.

Based on the distinction of giving and receiving a gift between what you want and what your desires are as the receiver and what your limits are and you willing to as the giver.

Harrys intention to give a gift, was not only related to the giving side, there was as well the position for the receiver to give a gift, the gift of power. To surrender to power you need to give your will away to a greater power than yourself to restore your sanity, that’s step 2 in the 12 step program.

in the touch version

The 3 minute game contains two questions, each as an offer:
Offer 1: How would you like me to touch you for 3 minutes? (can you massage my feet, kiss my cheek, bite my nose, hug me…and so on)
Offer 2: How would you like to touch me for 3 minutes?(Can I feel your back, explore your face, play with your hand, and so on – be aware, that this is not about ‘giving’ anything, this is for you)
When you make the offer, it’s for them. Only give as much as you are willing to give.

Each of the four rounds of the 3 min game creates a different dynamic.
Either its your action or its their action – and either it is for you or it is for them.

Those two dynamics combine in four ways:
– you are in action and it’s for you
– you are action and it’s for them
– they are action and it’s for you
– they are in action and it’s for them
Each of them is pleasurable and challenging in a different way and will show you something about yourself, your sensuality and sexuality.The purpose is to feel the differece. stay in the question? Who is doing the action and who is this for?
slow down, start with 3 minutes and gradual extend avoid in the beginning sexy body areas.

– their action and it’s for you,
put yourself first. Go for exquisit
Use all the time you need to notice what you want.
Ask as clearly as you can. can you…?
Change your mind any time and ask for something different when you feel like
Say thank you.

– you are action and it’s for them,
Set your desire aside
Ask what your partner wants and wait for the answer. Make space for their choice
Feel what you are willing to within your limits.
Say you’re welcome

– you are in action and it’s for you.
Ask your partner what their limits are and respect them.
Use all the time to notice what part of them you would like to feel
Ask ‘can I…
Use your skin to feel. when you slow down, the more you will feel.
When you start doing for them, come back to your skin.
Say thank you!

– they are in action and it’s for them
Set aside what you want. stay responsibility for your limits.
use your time to feel your limits.
perhaps you need more information
Say you’re welcome!

The wheel of consent is a graphic of what happens when two people play the 3 min game related to touch and is based on sensory inflow.

the original version of the 3 minute game has a much deeper and spiritual broader implication where i like to invite you to choose what version you like to play with.

based on my own spiritual journey and developed i created the somatic consent engagement system as a 3 dimensional matrix in a pyramid format that includes the shadow world as well as higher spirutal dimensions of human encounter.

 

This is the neurological foundation for touch and connection

for Somatic embodiment we are looking to connect these two divisions for self-development through pleasure
Important is the realising that we can act in order to receive sensory pleasure.
[This might be touching a silk fabric because it feels good,
or touching a partner for your own pleasure.]

We call this the Base, the foundation of selfcare for intimicy and physical connection, Based in Selfcare, Empowerment, Boundaries and limits, selflove and selfpleasure, your rights and responsibility’s

For this route of transformation just let your skin do the work.

So, when you engage with an other, when ever it is a friend, lover or colleague
is your impulse of action for your self or is it for them?
or when it’s they action are they doing it for them self or for you?
This is a big difference and with a huge impact to intimacy and connection.

In fact there is in any case only either your action and/or their action,

When we add Consent to this dynamics we are clearifieng how to
relate and communicate with others around us about who is ‘doing’ the action and ‘who it’s for’

Consent is divided in permission to do something for your own benefit. Can i…`?
you feel them for your own pleasure.
Or giving someone permission to do something for their benefit.
you allow them to touch you because it gives them pleasure. You can…

Another example of consent is creating an agreement by requesting an action
for your benefit. [They agree to give you a massage in exactly the way you want it]
Or your action that benefits the other person. [For example, I agree to do a friend’s shopping]

we call this dynamics In somatic consent the engagement zones.
A map for personal and spiritual development,

‘Integrity’ occurs through certain behaviors, for example:
 
saying what you are,
saying what your purpose is,
doing what you say you will do,
asking for what you want,
taking radical responsibility for consequences, etc.
 
Having integrity does not
restrict your freedom of movement because you can renegotiate agreements.
 
“Possibility Management”
 
The magic about emotional and spiritual fluency is being able to change our mind without being rigid, that only is possible when we are feeling safe in our body. The Base and the Apex are co-existing

 

have you heard of this rumi poem?, you must ask for what you really want, don’t go beck to sleep.

partly based on this inquiry harry faddis created the 3 minute game from, where two people have an equal share receiving what they want
asking for what we want is not always easy, isn’t it?

so, if you can’t ask for what you want, what are you doing instead to get your needs met?

if there is no permission we call this shadow bully, perpetrator, pusher, stealing
groping, war assault, and rape.

if there is no agreement we call this shadow
exploitation, freeloader, expectation, lazy,
slavery, assumption of privilege, entitlement

so, if you can’t speak you limits, what are you doing there instead?

if there are no limits in giving permission
we call this shadow:
victim, endure going along
doormat, tolerate pushover

if there is no agreement for your action to others it called the
pleaser, do-gooder, burn out, rescuer
guessing, give to get, slave.

when we learn to take care of our self and our limits when we learn to ask for what we want
we creating the base of engagement and connection. what we have a right to and responsibility for

here is where we learn how to ask for permission and creating agreements

and to differentiate between your action and their action and if this action is either for you,
……….or for them

when we stop giving from a place to get something giving becomes clean, but in order to give we need to stop giving for a while to find how to receive fully.

to fully embody receiving we need to fully feel, acknowledge and express what our desire is,

if we don’t know how to fully receive we can not put aside what are not aware of, so that our giving becomes dependent of getting something.

like rumi said, to express what you really want you need to know what you want and how to ask for it.,

the most direct way is making a request for getting permission for your action and for your benefit. can i..? or may i…?

and for creating an agreement can you…? or will you…?

here we put our desire first and acknowledge the limits of the other person to receive a gift

and when you on the other side and it is for them you put your desires aside and take care of your limits.

by either responding from the place of what you are willing to i can… or you can.
or from a more altruistic place where you make an offer without any attachment for outcome or any need in return.

or as harry feddis created you initiate to play the 3 minute game,
what do you want to do to me?
and
what do you want me to do to you.

that guides to the centre of the engagement system the apex, the interpersonal peak of love and care from a generous place of abundance and connection.

to find more out about the interpersonal structure for personal and spiritual development please watch the video of the APEX the centre of the engagement zone linked in the discription

 

to demonstrate the multidimensional capacity of personal and spiritual development we use
a triangle structure evolving into a 3 diminutional matrix of a pyramid.

we start at the transpersonal space into the interpersonal apex, into the triangles of the engagement zones that are formed through permission and agreements divided into offer and request, down to the base and basement.

lets start with the transpersonal state.

no words, telepathic, clear voience, intuition, silence.

followed by the apex, the space for…

love and care, being a gift to the world around, offering suport,
no attachment, no agenda, altruism, empathy & compassion, empowerment
co-creation, winning is happening, play and conscious communication,
intimate connection, sense of safty, friendship, realting, lovemaking,
listening to hear, autehtic responding. nonverbal consent, bodylanguage
being an invitation or inviting: i would like… what would you like…?
high drama triangle.

here is the space for making crucial distinction between descending and ascending dynamics of personal and spiritual development by either not being able to rise in higher states of awakening or being afraid of all the shadow dynamics of unconscious behaviour in our self and others.

what i personal like is to explore all the shadow dynamics, intergrate them and transform into love and spirit to come down again into deeper layers of being a human and evolve further.

here are the dynamics home of the

low drama triangle, suvival stategies, oppression, power over, domination, manipulation,
demanding, dictating, commanding, order, hints satements, should and shouldn’t, not able to say no,
or asking for what we want, stories, trauma, being reactive, deffensive, protective, having privilage and expectations. – you should…,i must…,/ projections- you are…, you can’t / beliefes – thou shall not…, it is…, i am…,/
interpretations – we have to…, we can not…, there want be…,/ assumptions- i am…, i have to…, they will…,/
conclusions – there isn’t…, i am not…, they must…, / statement – i want…, / order/demand – you have to…,, do this…,

that’s the place where embodiment of the base takes place

where we do selfcare, what we have a right to and responsible for, our autonomy and agency,
limits and boundaries. saying and hearing No,
what are we willing to, knowing the difference between permission
and agreement, expressing and asking for what we want.
the difference between making an offer and a request, notice, trust, value
desire and limits, and to realise it’s good to want by
acknowledging & expressing desire without the desperate need of getting it.

than we are ready for the engagement zone making clear

requests: can i..? can you… ? may i…? is it ok if i…? could you…?
will you…? am i allowed to…? would you..?

and neutral offerings with no attachment of outcome.

what would you like me to do for you?
what would you like? how do you want me to touch you?
what would you like to do to me? is there anything you need ?

if this is embodied we have a clear reference between the interpersonal engagement in the apex as love and care or agenda related shadow behaviour.

to demonstrate the multidimensional capacity of personal and spiritual growth we use the 3 dimensional structure of a pyramid. divided by the base the raising triangles and the apex.

We transform beginning at the base where we integrate shadow dynamics and survival strategie into self-care and several levels of empowerment.

through practicing the engagement zones into the apex the peak of the system where love
and care is offered unconditionally as a gift to and from the world around us, where we
merge into spiritual and transpersonal oneness beyond any concepts of duality.

by integrating neurological the engagement zones through practicing touch and connection, we embodying consent divided in permission and agreement where we grow internal value towards to the peak of the pyramid structure into

integrity:
Alignment of our desires,
words and actions,
knowing its either for us or for them
and we learn that we and other have limits.

Gratitude:
The joy of feeling grateful
for the gifts we received by
either our action or their action

surrender:
From a space of inner
trustworthiness to our limits to somebody’s
action or our own experienced received through a request.

Generosity:
Providing and sharing from the place of abundance
we can because we have,
no attachments not expecting anything in return.

Being an Invitation, and provide unconditional offering,
where find What both want, Being a gift,
Play, Intimacy, Connection, Relating,
where Winning is Happening
altruism,, Friendship,
Empathy, Compassion, Lovemaking,
Mindfulness Love and Care for self,
others and environment ,from here we can go beyond into the transpersonal space
that we find in the poly vagal map as the bliss state when we feeling safe and connected

the apex is as well the doorway back into the engagement zones the base and the basement where hold out connection between the world of personal engagements and spiritual development.

 

the following dynamics are based on the somatic consent engagement system and waterproofed.
in many relationships over the last 5 years.

to demonstrate the multidimensional capacity of personal and spiritual development in intimate relating we use a triangle structure

we start at the interpersonal space the apex, into the triangles of the engagement zones that are formed through permission and agreements divided into offer and request, down to the base

evolving into a 3 diminutional matrix of a pyramid as the somatic consent engagement system
the apex, the engagement zone the base and the shadows in the basement.

lets start with the the interpersonal state. the apex in a descending dynamic
here is where we provide love and care for others and the world around us
where w give our self as a gift because we have.
“when i give you a gift i give from a free space, you choose what you are doing with it, if i have attachments and feelings i will take care of them.

the engagement zones
the 2nd is creating agreements bases on offering and requests.

if i want you to do something for me i will ask,
if i don’t ask i don’t want anything.
you can ask for anything you want, i will take care of my limits, same in return.

3rd agreement: having and giving permission bases on offering and requests

you can feel me and touch me when and how you want, to make connections
and pleasure yourself , i take care of my limits, same in return.

4th agreement: self-care, self love, limits, boundaries, desires

i am responsible for my feelings, limits, and boundaries,
you are responsible for your feelings, limits, and boundaries.
We are committed to stay open.

the entire structure works as well in reverse from the base to embody shadows into the engagement zones up into the interpersonal of love and care and the transpersonal space on oneness beyond any structure of dualistic relating.

 

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